Shedding the stripes

Week of 11/16/15

These leadership journals have really been therapeutic for me as I have wrestled with some skeletons in the closet and fully confronted some difficult experiences for me. I find that the biggest source of these tribulations can be attributed to my capacity for leadership without regard for consequence. Call it a sense of justice. Call it integrity. Whatever you may call it, I find that I remain steadfast in my decisions regardless of what the consequences may be. I’ll refer to two specific examples from my life that shaped me.

During my time at JMU, I was very fortunate to have so many positive experiences and find myself in many positions where I was able to give back to the University. Working for Orientation was one of the most gratifying things I think I’ve ever done. There have been two times in my life that I look back on and see myself wearing a cape. Feeling like I had a superpower and that nobody could stop me. The first was when I served as a First yeaR Orientation Guide (FROG) in 2006. The second was when I served as a Leader for an Alternative Spring Break trip to the Redwood National Forest. These left lasting impressions upon me in addition to meaningful friendships. I continued after my FROG experience and served as an Orientation Peer Advisor (OPA) in 2007. I had positioned myself as a well-known member of the JMU student body and had my hand in almost every area of campus. I was viewed as one of the leaders of our 32 person team. During this time in orientation, the OPAs wore these purple and white stripped ruby polos. These shirts were affectionately referred to as “the stripes”. Some people wanted to be an OPA for the sole reason of wearing this shirt. This rubbed me the wrong way and I made it a point to express my concern right off the bat. I knew that my thoughts on the matter were unpopular but I shared them anyway. I wanted my team to know that each of them had the potential to be great and they didn’t need a shirt to prove it. The OPA position was an opportunity to positively affect all new JMU students and this was a great responsibility. Wearing a shirt was nowhere near the top of the list for reasons to serve as an OPA. I knew that the one thing I wanted out of my OPA experience was to make at least one connection with a new student and feel that I had made a difference. It could be a short conversation, a lasting relationship, or simply helping someone move into their dorm. Regardless, this was my motivation for serving. I found this opportunity during 1787 August Orientation with an incoming student named Alyssa D’oro. She was sitting along in Festival eating lunch and I thought that she may need a friend. Turns out that she was having a tough time adjusting and being away from home. Her parents had split up recently so the change in her life was overwhelming. We had such a powerful conversation and I felt like I effectively brightened her day. That was it. My work was done. Well, commencement is about to kick off and I see Alyssa in the crowd. I could only think of one way to show her my appreciation and that was to give her my purple and white striped OPA shirt. I gave it to her and expressed my gratitude for her conversation on that day in Festival.

I had a feeling that this action would not go unnoticed and noticed it was. My OPA team could not believe that I would give away the shirt. My supervisor sought me out and demanded that I find the shirt and get it back. Knowing where Alyssa was sitting, I told my supervisor that I could not find it. I knew what the consequences were and I suffered them. During our final meeting I was received with confusion, anger, and possible hatred as my fellow OPAs looked at me. This was an awful feeling and one that was never mended as the semester kicked off and it was back to the hustle and bustle of life as an undergrad.

Funny enough, my dear friend Dan Murphy reached out to me about a month ago and asked if we could grab lunch as he passed through town. Dan was the supervisor who demanded that I reclaim my shirt during commencement and that was the last interaction we really had. During our lunch, Dan brought this topic up and we reminisced on the experience. He apologized to me and let me know that he regretted the way he treated me during that experience. I had some apologies of my own and conveyed my admiration for him along with the other members of the members of the team I had hurt. This still sits in my heart as a shaping experience.

Note: orientation stopped outfitting OPAs in stripes the year after all this happened. From then on, OPAs wore the same style of shirt worn by all members of JMU Orientation. I’ve been told it is a coincidence but part of me thinks that my message was heard.